march 17, 2025

I might keep writing physically and inserting a photo or a word reader here. 

Rambling below: 

Today was a mf day. Just testing this thing. Looks nicer than the other ones I’ve tried thus far. I just really like seeing the physical notebook getting filled is my only problem. I’m gonna paste today’s driving notes below from iPhone notes.

Neil degrasse and Joe Rogan

Beautiful backroads with the top down

Gorgeous skies

Peaceful and thought provoking

Barney and Will wanting me to take over at the nursery

Not wanting to be chained down

I think I like my Miata more than my motorcycle. This shit is amazing

Safer

More comfortable

Storage

Two people

Range

Music

GPS

No rain

Heat

Fuck the bike

Only ride when it’s perfect weather. There’s no sense in the risk if you’re not even enjoying it like that.

Van: can’t make my mind up what to do. It was only 2k but I don’t need 4 vehicles. Can I get down to just the Miata and ranger? Jack won’t have anyone to ride with but I really wish he didn’t have a bike. He’s in love with it. But that’s really a personal problem and a need for rebellion and feel for control. That’s all he feels he has right now with the kids and wife. Sad. Another reason to wait a long while for kids and wife. At least I’m doing what I want now. God damn this road is long and straight.

So peaceful. No cars. Would be amazing to bike pack here.

Not sure what to do about writing while touring. Don’t want to lug notebooks bc shipping is over 30 dollars… but I love the writing part.

I don’t mind typing like this but I’d have to print it out. Not a huge deal. I could still scribble and stuff. Thought of taking my iPad for general internet usage, possibly editing and physically writing but I don’t think it’s worth it.

ESL in other countries and vacation.

Teach in US (more money, potentially) and stay in a camper conversion and travel on weekends and summers

Work in a different state every year and change subjects often

Are there RV parks for like $100 per month? Potentially buy or bring along a motorcycle on the rear of camper to commute to work (school) or bicycle… that would be amazing

Use showers at gym or school

UNIVERSITIES? Be a professor?

I wanna drive the Miata across the US

Do California hwy 1

Dammit storm damage

I don’t even feel like I get the excitementment from motorcycles any more

Cty road 4-9

Neil talks too much

Nobody out here

Change miata belts

Tail of the dragon in car when I hang glide

Gorgeous day

I can’t believe I was in a shitty mood this morning.

For what. Why does my mind do that?

I think I just needed to talk to someone

I wish I could enjoy things like the creek and river alone. I feel like that’s got to be something shared but I’m not sure why.

Last night I was so scared at my new house. The dark and my mind was making me hear things

I used to wear sunglasses always but now never. I found it unnatural and a burden I guess

I needed this. It’s allowing my mind to wander freely and relax in a way I haven’t let myself in a while

No speed signs out here

Absolutely no police

Audio recorder for stuff like this.. and bike tour maybe write a program to make it into text also in my way of talking ie … or enter enter etc

Long lasting battery so I don’t have to use phone also

Stank’s out here

I think audio is the way to go

So I can instantaneously record what I’m thinking

These roads are amazing

Mad curvy

Gorgeous views

Fields of green and long trees

A pond like a lake in someone’s own yard

Why are we surprised when someone acts a certain way, especially when it’s accurate to their character. Either good or bad. That’s who they are

Everytime I get air on my teeth it feels as if there is ice cream igniting their receptors

Lindy power

Grandmother

Hermiony

Cleaning

Babies

Driving me crazy and I have no god damn emotion or desire to do anything

Hungry

Hermiony asks if I’ve eaten

McDonald’s

Bbq

Biscuit

Maybe all I’ve need is caffeine

BIGDOG IS HERE

Lake w mom refrigerator

I’m so conflicted

How to remember the good moments?

I want to recall these moments but to do that you must miss out on the current moment to recall an old moment.

I could record but that takes away from the active moment. Mind and absorbing power. But it helps you recall it so well, granted it’s an artificial memory almost for certain.

Photos, helps you bring back relics of related memories around the time.

Writing, not as accurate but helps you process what you’re seeing actively.

Value of recalling

Lessons

Reminisce

Don’t forget why you do something or what you did

Actively recording (whether digital or writing etc)

Helps you to store the memory a little better

STORIES

Share accurately

Pass down memories to future generations

Information

Learning

love of writing or videography etc

Free your mind of thoughts in a way, to allow for more to sublimate in your mind

JD said to recall good times

So I add: to see what trials and tribulations and struggles you have endured. To put into perspective what you’ve learned what was important to you, your goals and see the long term movement of all these things in your life.

To compare the hardships to the highs and see why you endure and your love for life continues through the hardships

Improve vocabulary and writing skills. For when I want to write a book or a plot. Inspiration to do better in future.

Love of the game.

I have bad memory. That’s enough in itself.

Stars are emerging

Popping out individually

Night sky is lit as a mf

Why do I cuss? Even when I think actively about trying not to it continues in my vocabulary like and abusive step dad

Why don’t we want ugly girls

What’s there to gain from stopping and smelling the roses?

I want to do things like set up a hammock and chill but I can’t find myself stopping to slow down. It’s enjoyable but I feel like I’ve always got to move, to be productive and that cannot be good for my mental health. I think I just answered my own question but I don’t value mental health the way I should and I don’t know how to improve upon that

Will I ever read these massive blocks of text?

Sometimes I love my life. Sometimes I don’t and then I think, I have no right to NOT love my life. I have a create family and all that shit. Perfect opportunities and still I manage to make myself feel shitty. I understand it’s normal to feel that way but when is too much and how do I deal with it when it inevitably comes?

I want to love life and when these shit days come I want to realize that they’re going to end soon and that there are so many more good times. But I don’t think that way during the good times or the bad times, just kinda when I’m transferring between states. I started writing to track when these states change. I think digital journaling will help me to do that easier. but how would I do it?

Is it cyclical or just based on environment?

I want to love someone. I don’t let myself live or be loved much. It’s tough with family. I don’t know why I fight with that.

Another example of slowing down: I’d love to sit and watch the stars all the time but it’s a thing I feel I have to do with others.. and the sky is always there what’s the desire? But if you always hold it off, the sky may as well not be there if you don’t enjoy it.

A lover for me will, I think:

Will want to experience new things

Travel and see new cultures and people

To learn and express herself creatively

Will be wholesome and considerate

Loving and empathetic

Tender and sweet

Patient

Or am I asking for only what I think I should be or want to be or AM

Well I guess that’s okay because values I hold for myself are not entirely the same as all other people hold for themselves so what’s wrong with desiring similar attributes from another person, especially a partner. I value these traits because I think they’re good to have so obviously I think they’d be attractive in a. Partner.

I want to study confidence

There’s one person I can think of that’s got hella confidence at least when I saw them. One person who would (from outwards appearances and what you hear about them) beat me out (that I I consider has beat me out) in confidence, and that’s Ross. I wonder if he’s ever faced a lake of confidence and if he goes in and out of it as I do. I am curious if it’s situational, based on the crowd, mood, etc. I noticed he was very quiet the last day of DC but he was probably hung over. Energy had a lot to do with it. Because it is an appearance thing and it takes social in some form to exert the appearance of confidence.

Zac also has that appearance. Bro looks like an experienced 35-45 year old man. Crazy shit at 22/23.

Stars in IMPECCABLE RN

I think of certain guys as confident but they’re fake with it. You ask them genuinely if they’d blind approach someone and they say now (Matthew hand comes to mind). Does being drunk count in this equation? Because a lot of people multiply confidence really fast..

A confident person:

Doesn’t give a fuck what you think

Loves themself

Not arrogant

Speaks fluently and outwardly

Shows attention to other people

Appreciates and compliments people

What would a confident person rate themself on a scale from one to ten?

I feel like they wouldn’t say 10 because while they are confident, they recognize their weaknesses and admit them

Confident in their ability and the lack thereof

This is where a truly confident person puts their trust into a person who has more skill in an area than them. Confidence in their ignorance is a huge factor.

What do I value most in this world?

Travel

Fitness

Health (through these thing)

Cycling

Helping other people achieve or recognize their dreams and potential

Writing

Storytelling

Man that quesadilla Leigh made the other day with two tortillas, shredded cheese, and damn pepper flakes was amazing. Imagine if it had grilled chicken, peppers, onions, and butter etc. god damn I gotta make that. It’ll be my weekly lunch. That would be easy as a mug and cheap

Just read thru my old baby name list (jokes) and year book quote potentially and let me say… I was a mf comedic genius and idk what my quote ended up being but I definitely kissed out not choosing those.

I need to upkeep my stupidity and love for jokes because it’s a good trait. You know I forget I’m funny sometimes because it seems natural and a lot of people laugh and tell me I’m funny and I don’t think much of it.

I should embrace it more

Hoagies

I like the idea of notion and journey as journaling apps but they are not ideally made plus they’re expensive. I could just buy twelve composition notebooks instead of $50+ per year. Or shit just use my notes. 

What I like:

Journey, I like the mapping where you can see location of whatever. I like the calendar where it shows your entries. 

The interface is dogshit. Makes you click on shit just by hovering or scrolling. 

Search feature is great. 

Media library is cool

Templates and prompts could be nice

Location, weather, wellness ratings, and activity options are cool

Wants: I want my app to do weekly wrapups and monthly, yearly etc. with highlight photos and a sort of wrap up like apple photos does and Spotify. 

Maybe an entry for random stuff every week, favorite song etc

Scanning feature for written pages and an automated thing to input old journals )(probably hard) 

Word and character counts

Exercise options, sync from Strava or hevy?? Or apple health, etc? 

Write things I’ve learned 

Places I’ve been

What I ate

(All these things should be optional if I get bored of this specific metric)

I want to be able to graph these different metrics across time and see maps, tables, charts of different food groups, exercises, locations, photo amounts, socializing amounts, mood, pages read (books), hours on phone, exercise, and analyze this for wellbeing. 

I really like that you can add people to Diarium

(Stupid ass name btw) 

Holy shit google time line on the Diarium is insane. I love it. This shit is so good.